Category: The Left

I stood in the dusty dirt parking lot of a small wooden building. It was dusk and the sun began to retire behind the thick woods and underbrush that lined the grassy clearing. An unkept clearing that was home to this weathered and tattered old wood structure.

The shadowy casts of the setting sun on this still evening seemed to
work to point out the sagging roof line.

A vacant old pickup truck was left at rest among the knee high weeds that skirted the rutted dirt drive near the entrance.

Then I noticed a light creeping out of a crack in the sliding barn style door that buttressed the driveway. "What is this place" I asked myself. "could I walk further, should I go near?".

With trepidation I lifted my feet above the gravel as I moved closer, quietly. As I heard not a sound, "I must remain quiet" my mind instructed. Curiosity drew my torso towards this building like a strong magnet.

My ears alert, my eyes wide, there was a strange feeling that swayed through this place.

Yes, finally I was there. Instinctively my hand slowly reached out towards the door handle, ready to snap back if startled. The handle was the same dark gray metal as a heavy chain and still held warmth from the days sun.

"Where am I, what will I find" kept charging into my mind, "why don't you leave" was another.

The warm metal handle when pushed open revealed what laid behind. Many machines. Powerful, grimy, aged mechanisms sitting with the presence of a great weight, all among heaps and mounds of saw dust, stacks of wood planks to the ceiling, so high as to form walls. The aroma of wood penetrated the sinuses with force, the odor was powerful and challenged the senses as though it would refuse to ever leave.

"I had to go further" I heard my mind instruct.

Then suddenly from around a corner of a room within this place a figure arose.

My mind exploded with thoughtless fear, my senses surged as I felt adrenaline thrust into my veins.

It was a man, but not just any man. A disgusting and filthy man coated in grime that could be carved off of him with a chisel. Huffing, hunched and dragging, shuffling towards me. I was gripped with fear as though a vice, paralyzed.

This grotesque, gastly, creature of a man made noises from his mouth that I could not comprehend, my mind was froze and I could not run, I wanted to.

How could this hideous, shockingly monstrous, bulging beastly man not have been sent from the darkest places to destroy me? Then, suddenly, everything went black.

Only to wake up, staring at a sole glowing light bulb suspended mid air by a hanging extension cord, above that, a wood beam and rusted bare metal ceiling.

The barbarous creature was knelt over me, almost as if tending to me. I felt one, maybe two cool strikes to the cheek and the side of my face, a deep gravely voice uttered "hey, hey", he asked, "are you alright?".

I must have passed out. This man, reeking of manure and Old Spice, the person that had my mind incased in terror was to my surprise not there to harm me, it was Presidential candidate John Edward's dad!

Suddenly both of us rushed vigorously out of the front of the saw mill around the pickup truck making our way to a pile of rubble nearly overtaken by weeds and discarded mechanical parts. "What is that noise?" we urged. A weeping, it was like, no, could it be...a baby's cry! We quickly lifted an old tractor tire and there it was, a baby in swaddling clothes lying there.

Mr. Edwards cried out "this is John Edwards" as he lifted his boy to the night sky, a shimmering star began to twinkle. Apparently Mr. Edwards was to poor to remember that he had a son. He and his wife lived in a mole hole in the ground with several other families.

Mr. Edwards was thankful however, because they had recently upgraded their home, they used to live in a cardboard box at the bottom of a polluted lake.

Mr. Edwards while holding his child to the sky, that night lit sky of destiny, he shouted "My child will be a trial attorney!".

We took baby John Edwards and disposed of him in the city dump, Mr. Edwards knew he couldn't afford a baby.

For the next twenty years John Edwards ate feces and used-carburetors to survive until that fateful day when John enrolled in law school to become a trial attorney.

Now John Edwards lives in a thirty thousand square foot home and he is going to fight for people that need John Edwards to fight for them.

He can relate to them. He is just like them. At four months old he was fighting off hungry raccoons and sleeping in an engine block.

He gets $400 hair cuts, flies on a private jet, is a multi-millionaire by way of orchestrating dog and pony shows in court rooms.

He is just like us. He can relate to us because of where he comes from.

Vote for the trial attorney that was buried in a trash dump as a baby. He's never used any government programs to go from maggot infested and coated in animal waste to grow up to live like a king and rule over all of us.

But, he charitably with-other-peoples-money promotes government programs for all of us.

At this critical turning point in our nations history, is there any doubt that we need a trial attorney to lead us forward?

Do not fear his wolf-like upbringing. Don't merely respect his 'theater director' credentials in a court house. But vote for him because he is going to fight someone for you, I think he mentioned it was big business he was going to fight.

No only that, he will lead us all to the secret rooms filled with big bags of money that businesses are hiding form us. There is a shortage of money in this country because big business has it and they are starving us normal people from it. Thats why you don't have enough money to pay your bills, the businesses have your money.

Once John forces them to disclose where the money is hidden he is going to share it with us. But he needs to raise our taxes first to be able to afford to go look for this money.

Vote for John Edwards, he is a poor rich guy with alot of money who hates people who are rich. He knows how rich people think so he will be a good person to get the money from the rich people for us to spend.